Happiness dot Com
by Constantly
Summary: Sakura is having a affare on the computer but something happens that she couldn't prevent. I totally sux at summeries so please rr! Flames Welcome!(one shot)
1. What?

xxxSakura's POVxxxx

I ran home , a smile written on my face. i wanted him. I needed him. He would be waiting. I hoped.

I dropped off my backpack and ran threw my house smiling more happier than anything. I kept slipping and falling. hitting the walls of my house and hitting objects like my fridge the buffet and the door handles. Pain would spear threw me but I wouldn't feel it. I was one cloud nine.

It was stupid how I could like this guy so much although I knew so little about him. I knew where he came from and that he was older than me. I liked him more for his spirit then for his age or who he was in real life. I was stupid to do that but, I liked him. i liked the thought of him comforting me when I was sad and I helping him when he was angrey, in pain or even sad. I liked to take care of people but, him much more.

I would wait for the computer to warm up for five minutes and that whole time I was groaning with anticipation to talk to him. Just to hear a hi or see a hi on my screen. even that it's self was blissful.

I finally saw teh screen pop up and I littterally jumped out of my seat knowing I would talk to him. again....Again.......AGAIN!!

I wanted to know so much about him. I wanted him in my life. I wanted to see him and hug him in real life. I needed this.

I clicked repeatedly finally getting to teh page I needed and smiled. I clicked the 'game' and waited for anotehr angoizing minute waiting to talk to him.

i got on finally after signing in and shit like that.I saw he wasn't one but hey, no big deal right. i could wait. So...I waited...five minutes....ten..twenty...thirty. soemthing was wrong. He was usually on.

I couldn't help but wonder but, what could I do?

I desided to search and randomly do things on the computer for whenever how long. I just surfed not doing anything really....Then, I stumpled on my e-mail.

xxxxxxxxxx

It was over..jsut like that. A quick snap of his fingers and he wanted nothing to do with me. Didn't want to know me. Didn't want me to know anything about him either. He could get rid of me so easily and he had done that.

Anger and Sadness filled me as I continued to stare at the screen in horror. It was a lie. This was a nightmare. This wasn't really happening,was it?

He lied...He lied about everything.....I was a player in his game and he had killed me.I was a pawn and he was a king. It didn't matter if I died. i was jsut a damn fly to him anyways. I was to annoying to be true.

He lied about everything...his happiness...his will to kill himself if i died.....never being apart from me. It was all a lie.....

That word filled my head.....Lie..Lie...lie....It never stopped. It kept coming and It was tearing me limb to limb.

I got out of the chair, shaking furiously and I couldn't stop. The warmth from my body was gone.....It was over.....

I felt tears strain from my eyes as I knelt down infront of my bed and began to cry my heart out.

I didn't know you and get you didn't know me. i thought we had a special friendship. One that was happy and full of life.

His letter ran threw my mind and I cried more....It was true..It was all true but, he didn't believe in anything. He gave nothing a shot. He was being hipicritical....He hated me.

xxxxxxxxx

The days fled and I did barly anything. I couldn't stand to see outside daylight...i couldn't stand to see anything happy. I was jelious of teh happiness my friends had...I wanted to keel over...Why couldn't I!! I faked smiled and teh light in my eyes fled so quickly just like when I was actually happy. My heart was slowly turning black and I started to feel the neve to write his name.

That's what I did. In math I started writing his name out and finially wrote his name with dripping in blood. i wrote ' hate then i felt horrible and started scribbling the name and hate out. i scribbled it out. I crunched the paper and saw teh boy across from me who was kind to me stare at my paper as I wrote his name. He was curious and I saw him get paler when he noticed teh words and he moved slightly back.

I kept opening the scribbled paper and looking at it..thinking about him.

I couldn't stand it anymore and desided to fill my locker with his name.I did that. his name was written down the side of it and I could stare at it for five seconds before others would stare.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I got another e-mail from him and knew how much he hated me.

I just wanted to say i'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen. I wish that I was never alive for you to know me. It could have been better that way. You would be happy but, then another girl would take my place and she would be hurt....I guess it was better for me.

These days I'm cold. i have no warmth. School drags on and I feel like soeone left out.How could I let this happen.

I just wanted to say I will always think about you..even though you hate me....Please forgive me.....

...Lee...

A/N: Based on something that really happened. I know it's not that good and I'm sorry ppl but I had to get it out..... please read and review thanks! Falmes welcome!!


	2. Ripping You out

Rip.......Rip.......Rip......

Can you hear it? Can you see it? Can you feel it in your heart? I want you to die. Get out of my life.

Ever since this all began you keep confusing me , making me believe you but your nothing, nothing at all, all you really are is someone that holds in emotions, tells no one your mind..your spirit. NOTHING!

You of all people have become nothing.

Can you hear it still? Can you feel the riping?

It's me. I'm here..I'm tearing your name out of me...out of my locker, my bedroom,my mind. I want to kill this piece of you that never really was there.

I want you to be normal.

Hide your feelings, your emotions, to the world and even to yourself. Like I care anymore. You hurt me but, I'm slowly getting over it but hey, you care about nothing right? You wouldn't even care if I killed myself, ran in front of a car, or slit my arms and let the blood seep down. i would watch it and wonder why you couldn't be chained to my walls watching as my arms slowly bleed the life out of me and on to the floor.

Don't you even care? Oh, Oh, that's right. i'm nothing as well, but I am not a nothing like you! I have feelings. If someone pisses me off. I let them know. I don't be a sick evil mother fucker like you have been to me. No, no what I do, is show emotions. Walk downt eh halls and punch my buddies arms and we laugh together. I run into the girls change room door while it's locked and i laugh. i laugh at myself even if people are laughing at me. I can make my enemys and make them friends.

Sure...Yeah, I';m good at hiding emotion to but, there is a limit to how far you actually go with it. You don't hide in a coocoon and try and act like something your not.

Then again, You also lie. Like you actually ever thretened to kill yourself. As if. you just trying to make me sorry for you. i resent that. You want me to bow infront of you and call you 'your highness' or "master.' whatever one you prefur right? Right?

I'd rather call you this..dipshit, mother fucking bastard. fucking little bastard fuck. Son of a fucking bitch master. Little whore from faggy ville. faggy mc.fagster?

You like it? I do. It suites you. Your sucha dick head anyway.

Only thing i keep asking myself if, Why do I still think about you? Is it because I still like you as a friend or is it just the after shock of your lies and betrayels? I'm not. Probably anger...Probably hate....and yet, i cna't hate you for, your only human and we humans make mistakes. Your was just stupid. I probably still like you, maybe even love you but, I'm not going to check my brain right now for details on that subject. I give up on men and boys and teenagers. I give up on them all. They give to girls now is pain...pain betray hurt and mother fucking children that they either love or don't.

Maybe you should learn some honesty...honesty..

Learn it, memorise it and try and do it before it really leaves your mind again.

Remeber....Although you care for nothing. people still care about you.


	3. I Can't Let Go

A/N: This now a short story. don't need to review. jsut read

She looked out her window and saw the rain come down fast and hard, hitting the roof and making a hallow sound as it echoed across her home.

Her sickness held ehr back from running out in the rain and screaming out his name again. She had tried to forget him. It was almost a month after they broke up from teh relationship they had. Although it was just on the computer, She had been so stupid to put her heart out there and believe everything he said.

She would talk to him, but he would ignore her and would be a fuck head back to her.

She was tearing up inside. There was nothing left of her. Her parents thought she was crazy, they thought something was wrong and kept saying they would send her to boot camp or somewhere to get her happy again.

"Boot camp...Fuck them for saying that." She said as she moved from her spot on the bed and stood up slowly , her red nail polish refelcting her movements.

Like blood. Slow at times but fast when it can be .

She looked out teh window again and clenched her teeth.

"Damn cold." She hissed walking over to teh computer sadly and staring at teh screen ready to crack it's cover.

"Stupid computer."

She stuck up her middle finger at it then moved away sticking out her tounge childishly.

She was disturbed. Her heart was ice. Her feelings were emotionless.

"You fucked up my life Lee. Can't you see me. You fucked it up.This is all your fault."

She coughed and moved away.Things would never be the same. especially since ehr parents were planning to take her to his country...the very town he lived.

WHAT HAD HAPPENED TO MAKE HER LIFE SO SCREWED UP!!

She watched the blood flow from her back and into the bathtub she was sitting in.It was true. Blood is much thicker then water.

She will not hurt him. She will befriend him. No matter how long or how violant he becomes, she will not hurt him or be unkind.

for now.


	4. Goodbye AN at end

All thoughts I know

That lead to you

blow away

as the breeze runs over me

iwalk

away from you

to someone else

closer to me

I always sence your precence

but your never there

happiness

warmth

begins to fill me

without hesitation

I put it out on the line

my heart

Warmth starts to take over

but ,then

the breeze comes back

taking my warmth

then i leaves

it torments me so,to think of you

when,you hate me

warmth starts to fill again

as I feel myself floting away from my Koi

I can reach out

they fade from me

Nubness comes over me

chills me,pulls me,drawing me deeper

thoughts that should be rated as 'graphic' come into my mind

is this what sex is like?

a pull so great

you can't escape from it

your torchered by images

over flowing and tearing you apart?

the need of realise

is so great

yout body shakes so uncontrolably?

There is no answe to your whimpers

you want to let go

so do i

you want to be free

i know so

you want to never love me

ditto

everything

my answer to your feelings:

I can't

I thought you left and I was safe

I thought there would be no more pain

but,there is

I thought you were gone

Your arn;t

realize

hit me

hurt me

help me so badly

to get rid of you

I have a koi

it's not you

it's time

for goodbyes at last

A/N: not going to write for a while alright so, the party house and my other storys are put off on hold for a while.Hope to update soon. bye bye ppls


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